Life in my 30's...

When I was younger I said I'd be happily married, with a family and a house at 25. Then, when I turned 30 I said I would have a baby by 35, married or not. And now I'm 35 and my only child is a cat! I can barely handle myself sometimes so, I don't think a baby would be the best idea right now~

It's true when people say, life never goes as planned...

It is so weird for me to openly say it. Part of me is still in denial but yeah, I just turned 35 and surprisingly, I'm not having a break down as I did in previous years. Honestly, I don't feel 35, and I probably don't do everything people would expect me to at this age but, you know what? I do believe age is just a number and you should do whatever makes you happy. 

I enjoyed my early 20's, I wasn't too worried about life. I fell in love and I really enjoyed celebrating and doing everything for everyone! But I feel like I didn't do many things people would do in their 20's. I was kinda living in a bubble and didn't experience many things. It was different during my mid and late 20's tho, when that bubble popped. Reality hit hard, I was heartbroken and I had a very hard time dealing with changes and my own emotions. I felt as if I was in a very dark place at some point and I couldn't recognize myself. I felt lonely and it was a scary feeling. I was desperately looking for someone to safe me and bring me back to my happy self. Little did I know, I was the only one who could actually do that.

When I turned 30, I almost had a panic attack! (not really, but I want to be dramatic). I was just not ready and I knew I hadn't achieved any of the things I had on my "to-do list". Add to that the obligatory questions from other people Where's the boyfriend? Why aren't you dating? When are you getting married? I couldn't help to feel that pressure, not only from others but also from myself. Some of my cousins were married and were starting a family, others had a long and happy relationships and, I wanted that. I just didn't know how to get it. 

My dating choices were not the best ones, and I don't even date a lot to begin with (not that it has changed). I dated guys I didn't even like, just to be more "open" and hopefully meet someone I'd eventually fall in love with. That just didn't happen. So I guess I gave up on it. Hehe. Don't get me wrong, I still want to find a partner, get married and have my own family. It just doesn't feel like a priority atm. If it comes, I'll receive it tho.

During this time I also got the chance to travel to Europe, which was a great way to disconnect from the routine, quit my toxic, not-well-paid teaching job I had for 7 years and try to leave everything I was feeling behind. Plus, it was my first big trip in a long, long time. I kinda saw it as a way to let go of everything and have a fresh start. Just like in the movies. Hehehe. 

I wouldn't say my biggest growth durning this time was emotionally, it was more professionally. When I came back I started looking for better working opportunities and money income, as well as ending toxic friendships that were not giving me anything positive. Kinda trying to take my life more seriously.

I learned the hard way that it doesn't matter how much you try to be good at things or do your best, not everyone is going to like you or the things you do. We can't please everyone, it's just exhausting. 

In a way, I spent a big part of my early 30's focused on my work, back then it felt like an escape. But I think it was around that time when I met and started spending more time with the people I get to call my best friends now. I can truly say they were an important part of my process of feeling better and slowly go back to myself again. I know I say this often but, I really do consider myself very lucky to have the group of friends I have. It took me a while to find the right people and let go of others but, my 30's taught me that friendship is not always based on how long you've known someone. And that is important to find people you feel comfortable with, no matter what. People you can share silly things with, but also serious stuff. I admire my friends, I'm constantly learning from them and one of the most important things they've taught me is that is perfectly fine to be myself and like the things I like even on my 30's. To me, a chat with my friends is the best therapy, and even tho friendship has always been important to me, I never thought my friends would become an extended family and I'm so happy to share and grow with them.

I'm not gonna lie tho, as I grow older, I'm starting to worry a lot more about my skin and those fine lines! I guess I have a slight fear of aging~ So I try to take care of my skin a lot more than a few years ago. You know what they say, light skin ages faster... Ah! And let's not forget about those always annoying grey hairs. They drive me crazy. I keep pulling them as soon as I see them. I also noticed that now, it's easier to gain weight than losing it, not that I'm complaining. I actually needed to gain a few pounds to feel and, in my opinion, look better.

One of the biggest change I've had during my 30's has been moving out of my family home to live in my own place. It was something I wanted (and needed) to do for a long time but for whatever reason I kept postponing. Funny thing is, it happened less than a year ago. It pushed me to adult for real! I'm not going to say everything has been easy but, it's been fun. It has helped me find who I am, what I want (kinda) and proved myself that I can be useful, independent and stronger than I thought. 

I think being 30 is a weird stage. I don't feel like a grown woman but I'm no longer in my 20's even if I feel like that. I thought I would have life all figured out by now but, I'm still clueless about many things and I'm constantly learning! It's as if I was discovering who I really am, what I'm good at and finally believing I'm good at it. I'm letting go of things I should've years ago and slooooowly opening myself to new opportunities and experiences. It's been a roller coaster so far, with lots of changes, I am busier than ever juggling 2 jobs and even studying!! I never planned my life to be like this. Sometimes I feel like the day doesn't have enough hours to do everything that I have to do, I'm always running and beer became my lover after a long, tiring day (that's something that my kidney doesn't appreciate tho) LOL; but somehow, I make it work. At the same time, I'm starting to live and experience a kind of freedom I didn't feel before, making my own decisions and trying to put myself first, It's liberating and it feels good.

I might not be your regular 30 year old and I'm far from being where I'd like to be in life but, I'm happy with what life brings again and I'm enjoying things the way I did back in my 20's. Maybe even more, hehe. Guess 30's aren't as bad as I thought. Specially when you have people to share your non conventional for a 30 year old hobbies, hahaha.

I don't know what the rest of my 30's will be like but I can't wait to see!

OMG I think I'm gonna end this post here because I feel like I'll start rambling soon. At this point, I don't know if what I wrote still goes with the title anymore and it's already too long. Thank you if you decided to read till the end, hehe. ♡ 

See you next time~ ♡