A letter to the one I love~ #1

It doesn't matter how time passes, my feelings for you remain the same.
You know? for a while I felt at ease...still thinking about you but somehow, at ease~ but lately, my feelings have been jumping around.
Yes, I still think of you everyday, sometimes I miss you more than others but I'm always wondering where you're at, what you could be doing and especially if you ever think of me. That is the hardest, to wonder if you still think of me the way I think of you.

To others it may seem like I'm stuck with these feelings, and maybe I am. But it doesn't feel like a burden, not to me. It's as if you put a spell on me and I can't seem to break it because...maybe I don't want to break it. We both know I'm stubborn so, yeah...

It's funny how I still have all the things that remind me of you~ I cherish every word you shared as one of the most precious things to me.
There are so many things I wish I could ask you, I need my answers, I need you to help me understand. But I also want to be there for you to help you find your way back. I want to help you deal with those hardships. I want to take care of you. My heart hurts knowing you could be suffering; But no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to find my way back to you.
I'm sure we both have gone through a lot of ups and dows but, isn't that supposed to make us stronger? I always said that I was going to be strong for us, and I did for so long but, I feel so weak now... I can't seem to do it all by myself.
Sometimes I wish I could talk to you about what goes on in my life, and how I feel.

Are you there watching over me? I really hope you are. And if so, just remember how much I miss you and how much I still love you. Nothing has changed in my heart, nothing.
Someone once told me this was A love of a lifetime and wanna know something? I believe it is.

I have a feeling we will meet someday again~ Don't know how, don't know when but, I'm sure we will and I promise myself not to let go of you when that happens. I still dream of our love story.

Happy birthday, Zombie babe. ♥

Heart-to-heart: What my younger self would tell me if she could see me now~

Hello sweets!
A few years ago I wrote a Heart-to-heart post about the things I would tell my younger self, based on how my life expectations were as I was growing up vs my reality at that moment.

A few nights ago I was pretty much talking to myself, asking me how or why I changed so much in those 2 or 3 years. It's shocking how my life, plans, personality and situation changed so much. Then I started wondering what would younger Mon think about actual Mon? What would that cheerful girl could tell me now based on what I told her on my previous post?
And this is what I think she could say and ask~

"Hey! You said we were going to find something we were good at, and it seems we are finally doing it! Yay. I never thought teaching could be our thing! Especially looking back to our childhood, when we used to hate playing the teacher. Remember? 
It is true what you said, you don't need a big bunch of friends to have real ones but, why does it feel like we're losing some as we grow older? Why does it has to be that way?
You told me to never feel less than others, so why you keep comparing yourself to others? 
I've seen you going through some life changing experiences these past few years, you were right, we are learning but, nobody said it would be this hard! I wonder if those changes will ever stop, or at least if something really great will come our way soon~
I think we're finally fighting for what we want...at least in the professional areas, which surprises me because, we used to think work was never going to be our #1 priority. Now you know that you have to try to get things on your own too, you can't depend in other people to help you make it cuz like it or not, you're not a child anymore and you have to set your goals.

When did you stop dreaming? It used to be fun, you know? I guess reality hits you hard sometimes...I wish you could still do that...keep dreaming. Remember how you told me I would totally change my mind about marriage and kids? Why does it look like a dream that's so far away now? Go chase it! Don't let it go! You know you want it, you really want it!

"Love will knock on your door when you less expect it" Those were your words back then. Where did that love go? Why are you still holding on to it? I know you still miss it, it made us feel complete, huh? Now it seems so hard to open your heart. I wish things were different. Everything seemed so perfect.
You've been doing well on that "not judging people" thing, but as soon as you feel hurt, you kinda go back to it. Not as bad as before (I think) but yeah. Hehe. Keep working on it!

I know you still enjoy what you do, even the little things,  just don't see you as passionate as you were before~ Where is that overly excited reaction over the smallest things? We need motivation! I miss that.

I think, now more than ever, you cherish and appreciate the people who has been there for you when you need them the most and yes, you try to be there for them as much as you can. And I'm not really talking only about family cuz, family is forever, yeah, but family is not only about blood it's also about love, support and who has earned that place in your life. We didn't used to see things like that before. 
Your "bestest friend" and you are not longer like one! OMG, when did things got like that? How did you two let that happen? Seeing how our relationship is in my time, compared to what it is like in your time...honestly, I'm very disappointed. In both of you. I really never thought such a strong bond could be broken. Do you think you can fix it? Please, tell me it is not too late for that~

You were SO right about those grades, I see you can live with that perfectly well. You even find it funny to talk about them. Bad grades and now you're teaching! I'm shocked. LOL.

There is just one last thing I want to add, you're still a big child, don't change that. But, I know we used to shine. You wanna know what I see when I look at you? You're letting that shine slowly fade away. Maybe it's not your fault, you seem to be a little clueless of what we need to shine again but, please find it. Work hard to find it, be adventurous and /try/ to let go of all the things that keep hurting you. Cuz even if you don't wanna show it, I know it is there, you still feel a little lonely~ I'm still you after all, younger and chubbier but, you."

And wow! Sorry if that was a little too long! I wasn't really inspired to write many posts until lately so, I'm really hoping next time I decide to talk to myself, things will change again! For the better! Somehow this is a good way to see how much we change in just a couple of years, cuz maybe sometimes we don't feel like we change much but we actually do. And it's more obvious when you compare it to something written before and how you feel about it or how that certain situation is now. Nothing stays the same! It is hard to looks at you and be honest about how you feel but, guess it's nt that bad.
I actually do realize how weird it sounds when "I talk to myself" but yeah, I do that.  

Here is the "What I would tell my younger self" post if you wanna read it. This one would make more sense after reading the previous one. To see the before and after. Haha.
Anyways, thank you for reading until the end, it means a lot to little me and well, I'll see you next time! xx

☠ My Halloween Favorites ☠

Hello spooks!
Well, my favorite month is over (again) and it just flew by!
I gotta say this year my Halloween month wasn't as intense as ther years~ since so many things changed last year, there was no Halloween gang this year~ And these past few weeks were SO crazy busy.

I know I skipped some many monthly faves before but this one is the one I can not forget. So, let's take a look:

☠ You all know how much I love to have my Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks as soon as October starts but something I absolutely loved this year was the Franken Frappuccino. I saw it by accident and it was only available for a couple of days (from oct. 28 - 31) so, I was lucky. It is a mint-chocolate frappuccino, definitely yummy!

☠ I found and made a few Halloween-ish sweets. Mostly Jell-O. And as every year, I like to find and try all the holiday related snacks. I feel this year I didn't have those many tho.

☠ "Care for a bite?" napkins. I am so in love with them! I gotta say that out of the stuff I bought this year, these are my favorites. Aren't they super cool?

☠ Halloween goodies! They always make me so happy! Halloween is like my Christmas!!

And...this is it! I know there's not much to it this year but, like I said, this Halloween was a bit different than others.

Hope you all had a wonderful and scary Halloween!

October is here! + Halloween mini haul

Hello loves!
It is that time of the year again! Autumn is here, it's time to drink all the pumpkin spice lattes I can, Halloween is everywhere~ Yup, it is my favorite season/month.

I usually go crazy as soon as October starts. I wake up to a Halloween decorated room and try to do a 31 days of Halloween thing where everyday I get to do, eat or have something halloween realted. This year I've been taking it slower...don't know why! I finished my decoration a few days ago, I'm still behing on my halloween gifts shopping but, I did had a pumpkin spice latte with my mom when the month started.

I want to share some other Halloween related things in here! Hopefully I will soon. For now I have this mini Halloween haul for you. Some of the stuff I bought for decoration. Hope you enjoy~~♪

Witching you a very happy Halloween month!~ ♥

Beauty Haul: Avon, Flormar and Korean face masks

Hello sweeties!

These past few weeks I had the impulse to buy makeup and skin care stuff again, whithout noticing, I managed to have enough to make a little Haul for you!
I haven't had the time to really just go shopping and but things so, I've been ordering some stuff...I'm still in the process of trying and testing so, more info to come when I do that.

Let's take a look!

~ AvonUltra Luxury Eye Liner: in Black. Out of all the eye liners I've used so far this it the one to keeps me away from looking like a raccoon by the end of the day. I like the twist thingy version of it but, oh well. It'll be next time.

~ Avon Crystal Nailwear Pro +: In the color Silver Crystals. I just looooove how this color looks! you know I can always fall for glitter nail polishes and this one wasn't an exception. I really can't wait to use this baby! Many colors from this collection are super pretty! I need more! #Bwahaha

~ Flormar Matte Nail Enamel:: I showed you guys some of the nail polishes I got shom this Turkish brand. The colors are definitely beautiful. This matte collection is also great! I like matte polishes but I only got one to see how good this one was. (I've had bad experiences with matte polishes before) This one is called Burgundy in Matte and it's a blood-type kinda red that I think would be perfect for Halloween season.

~ Flormar SuperShine lipstck: in Summer in Paris (513). Yup, I'm buying more corals...hehe. I've used this one a couple of times now, it is not super long lasting and the color is a little pearl-ish. I did not expected that. It is still really pretty tho. The one thing I don't like is that it makes my dry lips look well...dry! Even if I apply some lipbalm before the color.

~ Korean facemask from G&S Cosmetics and Y.E.T: I've used the Y.E.T ones before but I'm extra excited about the animal mask and the black mask. I really wanted to try black masks for a while now. Animal masks are always fun!

~ Neutrogena Fresh Foaming Cleanser: which also works as a makeup remover. This is one great, great product but I'll get to it in a separate post. Maybe an updated cleansing routine?

And this is it for this beauty haul! Than again, sorry for being so absent in here but the blogging muse still refuses to go back to work. #LazyAsTheMaster~~~ hohoho