Hello sweets!
A few years ago I wrote a Heart-to-heart post about the things I would tell my younger self, based on how my life expectations were as I was growing up vs my reality at that moment.
A few nights ago I was pretty much talking to myself, asking me how or why I changed so much in those 2 or 3 years. It's shocking how my life, plans, personality and situation changed so much. Then I started wondering what would younger Mon think about actual Mon? What would that cheerful girl could tell me now based on what I told her on my previous post?
And this is what I think she could say and ask~
"Hey! You said we were going to find something we were good at, and it seems we are finally doing it! Yay. I never thought teaching could be our thing! Especially looking back to our childhood, when we used to hate playing the teacher. Remember?
It is true what you said, you don't need a big bunch of friends to have real ones but, why does it feel like we're losing some as we grow older? Why does it has to be that way?
You told me to never feel less than others, so why you keep comparing yourself to others?
I've seen you going through some life changing experiences these past few years, you were right, we are learning but, nobody said it would be this hard! I wonder if those changes will ever stop, or at least if something really great will come our way soon~
I think we're finally fighting for what we want...at least in the professional areas, which surprises me because, we used to think work was never going to be our #1 priority. Now you know that you have to try to get things on your own too, you can't depend in other people to help you make it cuz like it or not, you're not a child anymore and you have to set your goals.
When did you stop dreaming? It used to be fun, you know? I guess reality hits you hard sometimes...I wish you could still do that...keep dreaming. Remember how you told me I would totally change my mind about marriage and kids? Why does it look like a dream that's so far away now? Go chase it! Don't let it go! You know you want it, you really want it!
"Love will knock on your door when you less expect it" Those were your words back then. Where did that love go? Why are you still holding on to it? I know you still miss it, it made us feel complete, huh? Now it seems so hard to open your heart. I wish things were different. Everything seemed so perfect.
You've been doing well on that "not judging people" thing, but as soon as you feel hurt, you kinda go back to it. Not as bad as before (I think) but yeah. Hehe. Keep working on it!
I know you still enjoy what you do, even the little things, just don't see you as passionate as you were before~ Where is that overly excited reaction over the smallest things? We need motivation! I miss that.
I think, now more than ever, you cherish and appreciate the people who has been there for you when you need them the most and yes, you try to be there for them as much as you can. And I'm not really talking only about family cuz, family is forever, yeah, but family is not only about blood it's also about love, support and who has earned that place in your life. We didn't used to see things like that before.
Your "bestest friend" and you are not longer like one! OMG, when did things got like that? How did you two let that happen? Seeing how our relationship is in my time, compared to what it is like in your time...honestly, I'm very disappointed. In both of you. I really never thought such a strong bond could be broken. Do you think you can fix it? Please, tell me it is not too late for that~
You were SO right about those grades, I see you can live with that perfectly well. You even find it funny to talk about them. Bad grades and now you're teaching! I'm shocked. LOL.
There is just one last thing I want to add, you're still a big child, don't change that. But, I know we used to shine. You wanna know what I see when I look at you? You're letting that shine slowly fade away. Maybe it's not your fault, you seem to be a little clueless of what we need to shine again but, please find it. Work hard to find it, be adventurous and /try/ to let go of all the things that keep hurting you. Cuz even if you don't wanna show it, I know it is there, you still feel a little lonely~ I'm still you after all, younger and chubbier but, you."
And wow! Sorry if that was a little too long! I wasn't really inspired to write many posts until lately so, I'm really hoping next time I decide to talk to myself, things will change again! For the better! Somehow this is a good way to see how much we change in just a couple of years, cuz maybe sometimes we don't feel like we change much but we actually do. And it's more obvious when you compare it to something written before and how you feel about it or how that certain situation is now. Nothing stays the same! It is hard to looks at you and be honest about how you feel but, guess it's nt that bad.
Anyways, thank you for reading until the end, it means a lot to little me and well, I'll see you next time! xx
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