| September Blogging Challenge | H2H: Life Goals

Wow, this one really made me think. And the thing is, I was someone who though she had her life goals very clear. And they were actually pretty "simple" things such as "finding the love of my life", "Having my own place at 25" "Starting a family at a young age" but with time I realized that life never goes as planned. Ever! And that gave me a really hard time and it was something very hard for me to accept and deal with. 

But I've learned from it and I feel like my goals have a different focus now. It's not like I don't want those things anymore, I just feel like I'm in a different place and kinda want to focus on my professional life more than in other aspects.

I think one of my life goals is definitely having financial stability. Because I know this will help me with other goals such as finding my own place. This is, I'd say, one of my biggest goals and dreams at the moment that, for some reason, keeps getting postponed. 😭

And I feel like I've been doing a good job working hard to have that stability. (I know that I keep buying uselss things like there's no tomorrow too but, that's part of my reward for working hard, haha). Which is another goal of mine, I want to continue growing professionally and to challenge myself to try new things. Cuz I've found that it gives me personal satisfaction. I finally feel like I'm good enough to do something and I enjoy it a lot. 

Being honest, for a lazy and disorganized person, I think I became a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my work.

And well, another goal is to have a balance and become more organized. Cuz for some people I might not look like that but I'm always running and all over the place because I can't seem to have good organization and, I tend to procrastinate a LOT! 

I feel like in general my goal is to continue enjoying life and the little things it throws at me. Recieve the things and people who want to join me in my journey and let go of what's not meant to be (still a work in process tho). I also want to think more about me than I think about others. I want to focus on me and do things for me without worrying about what people would think. Cuz I feel that is still stopping me from living the life that I want 100%.

As cheesy as it sounds, my goal is to live a life I'm happy with and feel proud of the things and choices I make. Which is, of course, easier said that done.

Heart-to-heart: Did I change in the last year?

Hi guys!
Not long before 2018 is over. Wow~!
I feel like so many things happened this year, good things mostly. And I had this topic written down on my journal for the longest time now, I thought it'd be perfect for the end of the year. Cuz this time I really think I've changed in many ways, not like other years where I was sharing how I was feeling great when I actually wasn't. I really wanted to believe that but, I can feel it for real this year. So, grab a cup of coffee because... I feel like this is going to be a long read.
You've been warned.

I won't go through everything that happened years ago and how I felt because I feel like it's a little pointless now. I'll just go back to earlier this year when I came back from Spain. I truly believe that trip was just what I needed to feel like myself again.
It was not only my first time traveling all alone but, I never traveled that far. Yes, I was nervous about what could happen but, it was an exciting adveture at the same time. While I was there it felt so nice to have a fresh start with new people, people who didn't know me, people I didn't have a past with. Of course I missed my friends and I had my mom there with me but, you know what I mean, right?
It was a liberating feeling to leave all the problems, worries and negativity behind and just focus on me and my new adventure.

You know when you watch those movies where people go through rough times and they take a long trip to feel better? I felt like that!! It is true that going away for a while helps you to clear your mind and heart and just focus on the good, what you want and what you need.

While I was there, I started noticing how some "fake friends" started naturally separating from me. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was just meant to be. And instead of feeling sad, I felt relieved for some reason. On the other hand, some other friends were just so happy for me and we were all looking forward to see each other. I think I got to let go of a lot of things, feelings and even people while I was there.

I wouldn't say I felt like a "new me" when I came back but, I defo felt like myself again, in a better version. More independent and as cheerful as I used to be.
Things kinda started falling back into place as I became a positive person again. I found a job right away, a job that gave me a new experience as a teacher and helped me grow in a professional way as well as in a personal way and it was a school I really wanted to be a part of.  I'm still a bit insecure at times but, I wanted to challenge myself and prove to me that I can do new things, things that are outside of my comfort zone. Which didn't happen before, and I did.
The fake people continued to leave my life. Do I regret spending time with them? Not really, cuz back then I really believed in them but, I also don't regret letting them out of my life.

But as some people left, my relationship with other friends became a lot stronger, I got reunited with some old friends and I couldn't be happier and I also met great people that even tho I can't call all of them friends, they are really nice and fun to spend time with.
I noticed that back then not all of my relationships (call it work, friend, partner, etc) choices were exactly the best. Many people were so toxic and negative, and they were sucking up all my positivity. Now I am surrounded by people who are positive, inspiring and supportive. But most important, they are honest.

When I changed my environment, things seemed to flow in a better way.

As for me... well, I can think of many small things I do now that I didn't used to do before such as: being more independent in many ways. I used to need someone to always go with me to do things or go places, now I can do my own things on my own with no problem at all. I hated the idea of being alone and now I am ok with that.
I was always looking or a way to please others so everyone would like me, now I know not everyone will like me and it's ok, life goes on. You can't please everyone even if you try.
I used to put everyone before me and as much as I love someone, I can't do that anymore. I will always be there for the people I love and help as much as I can but, I should come first. And that doesn't mean I'm selfish.
I am there when I'm wanted and if I'm not wanted, no biggie. I've learned you can't push someone to be with you even if you want it. It is better to let go and accept things as they are.
I'm also learning to deal with changes, and I think I'm getting better at it.
I realized I don't need someone to be happy, I have to build my own happiness and if someone wants to be a part of that, they are more than welcome.
All these may sound like something too obvious or normal for some but, these were things I struggled with years ago, say 1 or 2 years ago.

I believe changing is a healthy thing, we all change. For whatever reason but, we just do. But I also think it is important to stay true to yourself and don't let people or events change who you are.

So, do I still miss hoy my life was? Not gonna lie, I do miss parts of it. But I do understand there is no way to go back to the way things were. Most importantly, did I change in the last year? Yes! of course I did. But I changed without losing my essence. I'm still the cheerful, childish girl who loves to dress up and watch anime. I'm still dreaming about having my own love story. I'm still silly, I laugh loudly, I embarrass myself and others and I love to celebrate others' happiness and success, I cry a lot, I share and yeah, I'm still clueless about many, maaaany things in life but, I'm smarter, stronger and more independent. I value real friends a lot more and I'm a tiny little bit more adventurous.
But most important thing is, I can honestly say I am happy.

And, I think this is it for this post. You know, I always feel like sharing these kind of post at the end of the year. It helps me to look back and see what has changed. All in all, I can say this year was good to me. Did you change in the last year? Feel free to share your experience!
Also, hello Winter, Happy Yule.

Heart-to-heart: How I really feel about love & relationships

Hey there loves!
Long time no H2H~ I think this is actually the first one this year.
I asked on IG and most of you said you wanted an other one so, after a long time thinking about what to write about, here we are.
The other day I was doing this kind of "Mind Dump" in my journal about some things that have been on my mind lately and I thought it would be a good thing to talk about in here.

I'm not sure where to begin tho... guess I'll start with saying that people who are really close to me know that one of my dreams is to get married someday and have my own little family to care of, among other things.
I am in love with love and the idea of having a romance like the ones I see in dramas and stuff, even if sometimes I pretend not to care. And I feel like I try not to talk about it much or pretend that it doesn't affect me because I don't want to be one of those people who are always talking about how much they long for a partner and how finding one is the center of their universe because, it is not my only goal in life and because I've met people like that before and I know it is exhausting to be listening to the same thing over and over again as if nothing else mattered.
And, I guess I've been a little emotional lately so, sorry if this H2H becomes a bit of a rant...

I always try to tell myself I shouldn't let anyone put pressure on me to find someone or date but somehow I end up mentally worrying about those things. And, as much as I love to see my friends in love, some of them having a happy married life, my cousins having super cute families; I can't help to wish I could join them on that same level. I can't help to compare myself to others who have what I wish for even if it's people on random social media. And I don't do it in a nasty, envious way, I just wonder when is it going to be my turn.

One of my friends once told me that life never really goes the way we plan it, and that's ok. And it's true; If I look back I was planning to get married on my mid 20's (yeah, right!) and, I never thought I'd end up teaching.
It's not all bad and I'm not saying that I'm not happy with the way my life is at this moment, I'm very thankful for many opportunities I've had so far, trips, work, life lessons and even amazing friends that always make me smile and feel good about myself but, there's also that part of me who wished to have at least a very stable relationship at this point in my life.

It's funny cuz when I was little, I never dreamed about getting married or having a fairy tale love story but, as I grew older I started loving the idea. I am aware that I am not going to have a kdrama-like love story and that I can't idealize a relationship because, it's never going to be like that. I also know I am a very difficult person who has high standards. I'm trying to change that because it won't take me anywhere. I'm also someone who needs her space to work on her own things. As much as I want to share part of my life with someone, I want to have things on my own too. I don't wanna become "someone's girlfriend" and lose myself in the process. But the idea of never meeting "the right one" can be a very scary thought~ I don't want to come to terms with the idea of always being that forever alone friend/cousin/auntie.
I know I'm still young and I'm open to the idea that anything can happen when you less expect it but, sometimes waiting can be harder than others.

I'm amazed to see how people find it easy to meet others and just feel that "click". How do they do it?
Some people always tell me "you need to go out more", "meet new people", blah, blah, blah. But what they don't know is, I really try, I've met new people, nice and interesting people but, nothing! I suck at dating too. Especially when it comes to "dating" a stranger. Ironically, I once considered opening a profile on a dating site or something (Not gonna happen but, oh well xD).
Like, What in the world is wrong with me?!! Why is it so hard for me to find someone I really, really like? Sometimes I feel like the more I want it, the more I push it away (if that makes any sense). I still believe there's someone, somewhere who is meant for us... I hope to find my someone someday.

I really don't want to get too caught up with this feelings or this topic, and I know it'll only be temporary~ Guess I just need to go back to my job and stuff to keep my mind busy with other things but, I just had to let that out and open up about it. As always, sorry if this stopped making sense at some point, it always happens to me when I talk or type too much. I always speak from my heart on these posts so, thank you for reading until the end and, let me know what you'd like to read in future H2Hs.

Untl next time~~!! ♡

Heart-to-heart: Answering a FAQ, Why am I single?

Hi there!

So, today I wanted to talk to you guys about something I get asked a lot. I get it on facebook, when I meet new people, I get it from people I already know and even from family members every now and then. Why don't you have a boyfriend? When are you gonna date someone? I can't believe you're single!
That's why I decided to sit here and kinda give an answer to those questions. Maybe it's not something I should explain but I kinda feel like sharing. Plus, I always wanted to do a FAQ thingy and this is my chance! LOL

Where to begin...
Ok #1, I'm not the type of person who goes out on dates a lot. In fact, I rarely do it. I'm also not good at meeting random people. I mean, I do like to meet new people and I like having friends and all that but that's usually when my friends introduce me to new people or I meet them through work and stuff. I am a social person, I just don't know how to "meet people first" (if that makes sense...) I guess it's a little hard for me to step out of my social cirlce (or comfort zone, lol).
I know how some people use dating sites to meet a possible partner but, idk, I never even considered doing that. Guess it's just not my style and I don't even think most of the people there are looking for a serious relationship anyway.

Let's move on to #2, when I do go out on a date with someone, I don't share it with the world, you won't read about it on facebook, or even here. I won't vlog it but, it doesn't mean it never happens. I'm usually someone who is ok sharing my life with everyone but I don't think making a first date all public is ok. At least not for me, because you just met this person and idk, I would only share it when I feel comfortable with it or when I feel it could lead to something more than just a date. I do share it with some close people and that's it.

And latstly, #3 would be...yes, I have been in love before, but after my one big love I haven't met a guy who makes me feel emotionally/romantically connected with.
I even tried to push myself into a relationship like a year ago(?) due to the pressure people can put on you just because you're single at a certain age, and now I know it was such a bad idea. (I'll get back to this later on.) You can't just force a connection with someone, if it is there, it's there, if not, no matter how much someone wants it, it won't be there. I've met nice guys, interesting people and... some others that are too intense or just not my type but none of them made me feel we had /that/ connection.

I do believe in love, I believe you can meet the love of your life when you less expect it and I want to be one of those people who are lucky enough to find "the one." I dream about getting married one day and have my own little family to take care of.

There are days when I wish I could just wake up and find (my version of) Mr. Perfect, fall in love and live happily ever after but, reality is way different. I dream about it, but I am not desperate.
I used to stress a lot about finding a boyfriend because suddenly it semed like that was the only thing people around me cared about: Why don't you go out with someone? When are you gonna be in love? You should go out more to find a boyfriend... you know, all that stuff. And  it came to the point where I got so sick of it! I just don't understand why others feel the need to tell you how to live your life or how to feel towars a certain thing just because "you're old enough to" or because "you're a certain age now." There is no thing that says you should do/stop doing something because you're a certain age. It could be anything and that includes being in a relationship. And I know this is a little out of topic but yeah, don't let people put that kind of pressure on you, and if they do, don't let it affect you.

And now I think I'm a little out of topic (Not weird, I know) so, with all that being said, right now, I can say that I am single because personally, I don't think I'm emotionally ready to jump in a relationship, there are still so many things I need to heal, figure out and so much I'm still working on. They say you need to fall in love with yourself first to be ready to fall in love with someone else and, I'm still on that process. I have plans I want to focus on but I also want to focus on me and on what I need. I guess I am single because I choose to be. (at least for now)
And, hey! it's not like being single is something bad, of course it doesn't mean I plan to stay single forever or that if love actually comes knocking on my door I won't accept it; it's just not something I want to worry about at the moment, it is not my priority. (it's funny how things change tho~)

That will be it for now, hope this helped a bit to answer those questions I get a lot. And who knows? Maybe I'll find that someone I can click with someday and yeah...maybe you'll read about it.

Any thoughts or comments on this? Share them with me down below!

Heart-to-heart: The reason why I left my job.

Hello my darlings!

Ah! It's been forever since I wrote a heart to heart. And yeah, I know I've been MIA lately, I'm late with my vlogs and this blog is a little abandoned~ But I'm slowly trying to post more often. So many things happened lately, I have some exciting things to share with you all but for now, I'll talk about one of the biggest changes that happened during my Summer break; yeah, after 7 years, I decided to leave my job.

One of the first things I get form people is "Why did you leave? I thought you loved your job as a teacher." So, I'll clear that first: It is true, I loved my job. And I still love to teach! It is no secret how much I love being a teacher and to work with the kids. I left but it doesn't mean I don't want to teach anymore.

There were many reasons why I decided to leave. It wasn't easy tho. I actually thought a lot about it. Cuz it's easy to get used to a routine (especially after 7 years!), it was my first official teaching job and the one that taught me everything I know today. I'm still very thankful for the opportunity I had to work there and find what I really love to do.

I just felt like it was time for a change. I just knew it. You know? When you feel you gave everything you had to give at this certain place and it's time for you to go? At first it felt like something crazy. and even scary but, at the same time, some other projects came my way and I realized I was not going to be able to make them happen staying there. I did grow so much as a teacher. Especially if I look back to when I started. I learnt so much and funny thing is, I felt like this last year was my best one, I even enjoyed open classes which used to terrify me!! So yeah, I'm taking so many great things from that school with me.

I met great people, had lovely coworkers who taught me so much and some of them are and will always be great, close friends of mine and of course, I had the chance to be part of so many adorable kids, saw them grow from babies to small kids...
The school is growing, and hopefully it'll continue growing but, I want to grow too and not only as a teacher but as a person too.
I hear a lot that every cycle in life is supposed to have an end at some point and it was time for that cycle in my life to end.

Til this moment I still have mixed emotions, it is scary to say I don't have a job for the first time in 7 years, it's so-not-me! But I know so many great things will come, I also want to take some time off to enjoy myself, and think about what /I/ want and need. I want new challenges and new experiences and I think making this decision was the first step to get there.

This is probably the shortest heart-to-heart ever but I really wanted to take some time and write this down, to clear some things and explain others. I'm looking forward to see what life brings and have new beginnings!

Stay tuned for some other exciting news coming soon!

Heart-to-heart: Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely

Hi loves!

First heart-to-heart of the year! I want to write many more of these this year! And this was something I kinda wanted to share last year but for whatever reason I didn't. I'm sure I am not the only person who can feel related to this topic so, I'll share with you something I experienced last year, not because I feel proud of it or want to go through it all over again, but because it could be useful for someone who is/was going through something similar.

There are times when I feel lonely, but, it got worse by the end of 2015. I never felt this way before so, it was a scary feeling. Having people around you but still feel lonely is something I never felt before.

I've liked guys before, but I've only been in love once. Truly in love. We had our own special relationship. Maybe it wasn't all that perfect to others but it was true love for us. I know it was, I felt it and no one can tell me it wasn't real.
Back then everything was perfect no matter what. I felt it gave me the strength I needed to go through everything. Making future plans together and texting until 3am...I had a future planned, daydreamed about it.

When I realized my fairy tale love story was fading away, my whole world fell apart. (add to that some other personal situations I was going through) Long story short, two of the most important people for me "left me" at the same time, my love and my long life best friend.
So not only I was beyond sad, confused and had no idea where this was coming from, but I also felt lonely.
I always say I am lucky to have great people around me, and that is true. People who never left my side but, even having all of them there, I still felt that loneliness.

A broken heart needs time to heal, no one can ever tell you to stop caring or to let go at a certain point cuz, only you know whe you're ready to do it. I know sometimes it's so easy to feel pressure from other people, "why aren't you seeing someone?", "I'd like you to meet someone", "you shouldn't feel this way about that person" etc. But you know what? it is ok to feel the way you feel. Not because someone is living a certain situation, you have to live it too. Yeah, it is hard not to compare, not to wonder how it'd be "if only" but when reality hits you hard you realize that the more you push things, the worse you'll feel and the less things will flow the way they should. I'm telling you this after a year of being heart broken. I used to cry from time to time, I still miss him. and I still wish things were different.

Not long ago, I found that quote that says: Dear heart, fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. And it made so much sense to me!

After feeling like I had no way out of these feelings, I decided to kinda force myself to date someone, thinking that could help me to move on, stop missing my love and get rid of that lonely feeling but, I was /so/ wrong.
I knew this guy, and he had feelings for me, I thought that could be enough but truth is, it wasn't enough. I was constantly asking myself if I was sure about what I was doing, if I would ever feel comfortable with the things I didn't like about him...and that is not how it should be. He wasn't my "Zombie Babe" and he was never going to be him.

There was a point when I thought; you know what, this is not fair for you, and it is not fair for the other person, I had to stop and end it. It was not a way out of my problems, it was not going to make me forget about my love and I was going to end up hurting someone just because I was being selfish.
Yes, I realized how selfish I can be.

Now I know it is true time helps you to heal. My heart will always have this feeling he left but it's ok. It will always remind me he was (and still is) my first true love. I won't rush into things and I won't force me to do something if I don't feel 100% sure. Our heart is not a toy to play and experiment with. At least I know mine is not.
Everything will happen when it has to happen. Who knows? Maybe things will eventually change to the way they used to or...even better!

My point is, don't let other people, pressure, comparison, loneliness, etc. make you force you to do or feel things when you just don't feel ready or simply don't feel like it. Take your time (and I mean it, the time you need) to deal with things your way. If you need to cry, cry. If you need that person to know things, find a way to let them know, if you need a clousure, find a way to have it. Just let it happen naturally. Be fair and kind to yourself, and be fair to others. And always remember that it is ok to feel the way you're feeling because that feeling is there for a reason, it shows that person matters to you and was/is important even if he/she might not come back.

Hope all this makes sense cuz I jump from one thing to an other, especially on heart-to-hearts~ hehe.

As I'm typing this, I realize how passionate I still am about my feelings and how much I want to hold on to them.

Heart-to-heart: What my younger self would tell me if she could see me now~

Hello sweets!
A few years ago I wrote a Heart-to-heart post about the things I would tell my younger self, based on how my life expectations were as I was growing up vs my reality at that moment.

A few nights ago I was pretty much talking to myself, asking me how or why I changed so much in those 2 or 3 years. It's shocking how my life, plans, personality and situation changed so much. Then I started wondering what would younger Mon think about actual Mon? What would that cheerful girl could tell me now based on what I told her on my previous post?
And this is what I think she could say and ask~

"Hey! You said we were going to find something we were good at, and it seems we are finally doing it! Yay. I never thought teaching could be our thing! Especially looking back to our childhood, when we used to hate playing the teacher. Remember? 
It is true what you said, you don't need a big bunch of friends to have real ones but, why does it feel like we're losing some as we grow older? Why does it has to be that way?
You told me to never feel less than others, so why you keep comparing yourself to others? 
I've seen you going through some life changing experiences these past few years, you were right, we are learning but, nobody said it would be this hard! I wonder if those changes will ever stop, or at least if something really great will come our way soon~
I think we're finally fighting for what we want...at least in the professional areas, which surprises me because, we used to think work was never going to be our #1 priority. Now you know that you have to try to get things on your own too, you can't depend in other people to help you make it cuz like it or not, you're not a child anymore and you have to set your goals.

When did you stop dreaming? It used to be fun, you know? I guess reality hits you hard sometimes...I wish you could still do that...keep dreaming. Remember how you told me I would totally change my mind about marriage and kids? Why does it look like a dream that's so far away now? Go chase it! Don't let it go! You know you want it, you really want it!

"Love will knock on your door when you less expect it" Those were your words back then. Where did that love go? Why are you still holding on to it? I know you still miss it, it made us feel complete, huh? Now it seems so hard to open your heart. I wish things were different. Everything seemed so perfect.
You've been doing well on that "not judging people" thing, but as soon as you feel hurt, you kinda go back to it. Not as bad as before (I think) but yeah. Hehe. Keep working on it!

I know you still enjoy what you do, even the little things,  just don't see you as passionate as you were before~ Where is that overly excited reaction over the smallest things? We need motivation! I miss that.

I think, now more than ever, you cherish and appreciate the people who has been there for you when you need them the most and yes, you try to be there for them as much as you can. And I'm not really talking only about family cuz, family is forever, yeah, but family is not only about blood it's also about love, support and who has earned that place in your life. We didn't used to see things like that before. 
Your "bestest friend" and you are not longer like one! OMG, when did things got like that? How did you two let that happen? Seeing how our relationship is in my time, compared to what it is like in your time...honestly, I'm very disappointed. In both of you. I really never thought such a strong bond could be broken. Do you think you can fix it? Please, tell me it is not too late for that~

You were SO right about those grades, I see you can live with that perfectly well. You even find it funny to talk about them. Bad grades and now you're teaching! I'm shocked. LOL.

There is just one last thing I want to add, you're still a big child, don't change that. But, I know we used to shine. You wanna know what I see when I look at you? You're letting that shine slowly fade away. Maybe it's not your fault, you seem to be a little clueless of what we need to shine again but, please find it. Work hard to find it, be adventurous and /try/ to let go of all the things that keep hurting you. Cuz even if you don't wanna show it, I know it is there, you still feel a little lonely~ I'm still you after all, younger and chubbier but, you."

And wow! Sorry if that was a little too long! I wasn't really inspired to write many posts until lately so, I'm really hoping next time I decide to talk to myself, things will change again! For the better! Somehow this is a good way to see how much we change in just a couple of years, cuz maybe sometimes we don't feel like we change much but we actually do. And it's more obvious when you compare it to something written before and how you feel about it or how that certain situation is now. Nothing stays the same! It is hard to looks at you and be honest about how you feel but, guess it's nt that bad.
I actually do realize how weird it sounds when "I talk to myself" but yeah, I do that.  

Here is the "What I would tell my younger self" post if you wanna read it. This one would make more sense after reading the previous one. To see the before and after. Haha.
Anyways, thank you for reading until the end, it means a lot to little me and well, I'll see you next time! xx

Heart-to-heart: Being let down/hurt by people + high expectations

It's been a while since the last time I wrote a H2H~

Well, hello guys! Today I want to write about something that could be a little different for everyone. (And that was on my heart-to-heart topics list for a while now) I guess it depends on how you see things. and it's not to tell you guys "how to deal with it" or "how to stop that from happening" because honestly, I don't even know how to do that.

The thing with me is that...I love too much! and when I love someone (call it friends, family, partner, etc) I am willing to do whatever it takes to help them or give them what they need, even if it means sacrificing my own interests. And I know, I know, that is not good, I'm actually trying to change that a little now and think a little more about me first...which doesn't seem to be working very well but, let's talk about that some other time.
So, because I am like that, sometimes I automatically feel like because I'd do it for them, they would do it for me. And that, is not always the case.
Sadly, I tend to have high expectations on people, even to idealize them;  which can lead to being let down easily. But hey, I don't feel let down because one day they can't meet me or because they didn't answered my message. I mean, that'd be stupid. Even tho I am a sensitive person and I can get hurt easily, I won't feel let down by someone forever over a simple, silly thing. I think it takes a lot to make me feel let down forever or at least in a really bad way.
And even if it happens, I've noticed that I try to fix things and try to make everything go back to normal for a while, even if the other person continues acting, or doing things that kinda push me away (if that makes any sense) or rejecting what I'm trying to do. I kinda want to fight for it until there is nothing left to do. Until then, I give up. But, during that process, I feel like I end up getting more hurt than if I just let things flow the way they have to. Cuz it is so hard for me to see that, that person I idealized so much, doesn't really care to let things go that way and because I know if I was the other person, I wouldn't want to let people down. At least not the people I love.

On the other hand, I know it is impossible to keep everyone happy. No matter how hard you try. I've tried for years and it's exhausting! And in the end, when some people don't need you in their lives anymore, they will just move on without thinking of how you felt about that.
I know we all make mistakes, starting with me! I can't count how many mistakes I've made throughout my life but in my case, I hate to do things that can hurt the ones I love.
And for me, it's not about the mistakes they make but more about the actions they have towards me.

I've noticed some people don't really care about other people letting them down, or at least, they seem to move on really easy! How do they do it? I want your secret guys!
Some people live by Forgive and let go but, do you realize how hard it actually is to really forgive someone who hurt you a lot? Just think about it. And I mean, I don't have too many people that hurt me like, a lot a lot but, it's still pretty hard to forgive and forget. Especially because letting go is something I'm still learning to do~ Cuz it's easier to hold on to memories that made us happy instead of trying to just move on from it.
I remember I was once asked If I ever fully forgiven someone and at that time I automatically answered "yes" but, now that I think about it carefully and from that time until now, I'm not sure if that "yes" was the truth.
Being let down, for me, if it comes from someone who is important to me is a big deal. Random people can talk and hurt me but, I won't feel let down by them because, they are not important to me. Yeah, I'll be sad or upset for a little while but then, I'll move on from it but, when someone I love hurts me, it'll stay there, if not for life, for a long time. (not good, I know but what to do? #Drama)

And I've been connecting "being let down" with "beign hurt" a lot in here, I wonder if they are actually the same or I'm connecting them because I feel one thing leads to the other...what do you guys think?
I don't know if I sticked to the title too much this time but yeah~
Anyways, I'd love to read your experiences and thougts on this. Have you been hurt by someone you love? How you deal with it?

Also, let me know what kind of Heart-to-hearts you'd like to read in the future! Let's share some thoughts in here because, sharing is caring!
Until next time!
xox

Heart-to-heart: Why I started blogging and Why I love blogging now.

Hello there guys!
Not long ago I was wondering what I should write about on my next heart to heart post and got a suggestion from a friend telling me to write about why I started blogging. He also said "I'd really like to know. You're so constant, and the effort shows in what I've read. I think it's interesting to know why it's important to you" And yeah, that comment really motivated me to make this post.

To start this chit chat, let's go back to when I was a little girl. I was never the talented type of girl. I wasn't good at sports, was never #1 in my class, I don't play any musical instrument, and...I could go on, hehe. But I always wanted to find something I was really good at, something I could get some recognition for. Something that could be just mine.
Then in 2012, I decided to start this blog. Wow...can't believe it's been that long now! Back then I was getting into YouTubers, beauty gurus, my obsession with makeup started, all that. And I kinda wanted to have something like they did but, not in front of a camera, I wanted a little space to show the world part of my world, But, I wasn't sure what it was that I wanted to show.

So, I started blogging mostly about nail polishes, random things and also a little about holidays, nothing too personal, nothing too big. (I even deleted some of the old entries like a year ago. They were just...too empty I guess~ at least I saw them that way.)
When I started to get some feedback from friends and family about my posts, I started to feel more motivated to write more and slowly share more about me and my life without getting too personal.
As I continued with the blogging, some new things came to my life and somehow I wanted the world to know, haha. I started to feel like whatever I was sharing on this blog, I was sharing it with friends. No matter who was on the other side of the computer reading it, they felt like friends or family.
But! I was mostly sharing only the happy and good stuff. You know, there's this cool thing about blogs and just social networks in general that gives you the power to show just what you want to show. And, that can be a problem too. Some people started telling me things like "how can you always be so positive?", "You make LDR seem so easy and perfect", etc. And I'm glad I give a positive image through my blogs but, I also wanted to show that is not always the case. That is when I wanted to start sharing the good but also the not-so-good side of what I go through. Because we are all human and we all make mistakes, we all feel down and we all need to let things out every now and then.
Somehow, this blog became that to me, a way to let things out in my own, personal way, to tell you guys that we all go through hardships and that sometimes, we need to hear from someone who was there too, to realize it is ok.

And the thing is, I love sharing! I love sharing what I do, think, feel, go through... I was having a conversation about this a few days ago and, I am like an open book most of the time. People can get to know a lot about me through here and my vlogs.

I love to be able to reach people through this blog, even if it's just one person, if I get to help that person in a way with what I write, I feel happy. I also love to read and hear what others have to say. It is awesome how much you can transmit through a video or a blog entry (good or bad) and the power it can have on a person.

I know I'm not the most experienced person, I don't know it all, I may be wrong sometimes but I feel like this is my place to say and share whatever I want without someone telling me if it's right or wrong to do it. People will have their opinion, yes. But that's part of this whole feedback thingy that makes you grow as a person.
I also know I'm not the best writer, and I don't plan to be one cuz, this is pretty much the way I am, I talk a lot and sometimes I just jump from one topic to another!
But that is why I love this blog so so much now. I can just be me and share with you guys whatever I want.

Speaking of jumping from one topic to another, I'm not sure if I lost the main topic of this post but...I think the main reason why I started blogging was because I wanted to find something I could control and be recognized for and good at but, that changed with time. Now I blog because I have so much to share with you guys! And I love doing it. I really enjoy the whole process of writing, taking some pictures for the posts, thinking about what to write next and especially hearing and reading that you take some time to read what I post. THAT IS SO REWARDING! It definitely makes me happy when someone tells me they read/liked what I wrote. It just makes my day.♥
So! To finish this heart-to-heart I just want you guys to remember that I put my whole heart in every post you read, those are my true words, opinions and feelings about whatever I write. This blog is like my baby. Hehe.
Always feel free to let me know your opinions and feedbacks because yeah, they are part of this little blog too!

Big shoutout and thank you to Abraham Gonzalez for giving me the idea for this post and also make sure to read his own blog! (In Spanish) Alquimia Cognitiva.

Love you all! x

Heart-to-heart: 10 things I learned after my "emotional breakdown"

Hello everyone!
Ok! If you followed my last year's posts and vlogs you must know that last year was just a hard one for me. Just like that.
I think trying to always be the happy and cheerful one, saying everything was ok and trying to live in a dream world no matter what happened for a while, made me collapse at some point. SO MANY things came together and made me feel so small and helpless. I cried more than I thought my body could cry and honestly, it was a very scary feeling.

I truly believe we all learn from life and everything we go through, no matter how small it can be. Good or bad, we gotta keep what can teach us something or make us better people and let go of the rest. I am not good with changes, it takes me a lot of effort and time to get used to them, especially when I don't like them but now I know, holding onto something just because you don't want to let it go, can make things worse.

At the beginning of this year and after long talks with people who are really close to me I thought, "you know what? This is enough! You can't stay like this forever" I just didn't wanted to. I admit I was so affraid to step outside my comfort zone and just push myself to change but like I've said before, I feel so lucky to have GREAT people around me who were there for me 100000% and sometimes even without asking me what was going on they just kept encouraging me to feel better and realize how strong I can be.

And yeah, January was a month to do a lot of thinking. I wanted to think about what I've done, what I've gone through, what I want for my life and how I'm supposed to get it. What should I do to get there and find my own happiness. I have to admit I kinda stayed away from some people, and it was not because I didn't wanted to be with them but it was more because I felt like I needed to think and just heal whatever was going on.
So, before I continue with one of those super long chats; here are 10 things (I only picked 10 but the list is SO long!) I learned during that time. (I don't know why I like using numbers when I make lists now...)

1.  It is ok to be sad and feel down. It's part of being human.
2. You can't expect people to do something for you only because you'd do it for them.
3.  If people want to walk away from your life, there is nothing you can do to stop it. No matter how hard you try.
4. It is ok to long for the past, as long as you don't get stuck there.
5. Things won't always go the way we plan them but it doesn't mean you can't have them.
6. Letting go is the hardest thing to do but, when you start doing it, it takes away a big weight.
7. We never get to completely know someone. We are all full of surprises, some good and some bad ones.
8. I don't have (and can't have) control of everything that happens. It is frustrating, yes but, there's nothing I can do.
9. We all have our dark moments, no matter how happy and positive we try to be. I know now, I don't want to go back there, ever again.
10. I have to stop worrying about what others will think or say about my actions, words and plans. I can't live fulfilling people's expectations. I will live for me.

And the most important, (that makes 11 things...) I write my own story, I decide how much I let things affect me, who walks in my life and who has to leave, what is best for me and what makes me happy.

I wouldn't ask for that to happen again but I guess in a way that made me see so many things I didn't knew about myself, my life and it got me closer to certain people. I cherish them so, so much and thank them for helping me to stand where I am now.

To finish this chit chat: people change, things do change, not always for the best, sometimes things never will be the same, it's hard to forget yes, but life continues after the drama craziness. I do feel a LOT better now, I'm happy and feeling excited about so many things in life.
Yeah people, Mon. Is. Back!
Haha.
Thank you for reading me! Until next time! X

Heart-to-heart: My 15 resolutions for 2016 and beyond!

Hello everybody
The new year has already started and there are a few things I do want to change for good in my life. I know, I know, many people think of a new year to change and guess what? I am one of them too! Hehe...kinda~
Since I really had a mostly awful 2015, I did wanted to feel like once that year was over, it was time to close that chapter and move on from it to a new, fresh and better start. So yeah, 2016 is my chance to start fresh and be a new me!
Along with that, I've been doing a lot of thinking about so many things that happened and things I want to do, etc. and I know that if I don't push myself to change, I won't do it so, even if some things hurt, I won't focus on them. I know I say this often but, I am so lucky to have the greatest people around me who are willing to stick to me even through my darkest moments (hehe, that sounds so serious!). But, it is true! Even people you don't really expect to care that much show how much they love you during those moments. I think when you go through hard times is when you really see who is there for you inconditionally.

Anyways! For this year and beyond, I want to stick to this 15 (sort of) resolutions:

1. Let go
2. Focus more on what I want
3. Be more open to new experiences
4. Stop expecting things from people
5. Be more positive
6. Shine on my own
7. Stop apologizing for my actions, words or feelings (Unless I really do/say something wrong)
8. Learn to be totally comfortable with myself and by myself
9. Take chances
10. Enjoy everyday as if it was the last one
11. Continue giving, helping and sharing
12. Be the best version of myself
13. Fight harder for what I want.
14. Believe in myself
15. Do more and talk less (actions are always better than just words~)

So yeah, there are my resolutions for this year and hopefully a lot longer than just a year. Maybe I'll add a few more as time goes by.
Do you guys have any resolution for this year? Please share! I'd love to read them!!
xx

Heart-to-heart: True Friends

Hello babies!
Long time no heart-to-heart posts! Because honestly, I wasn't really inspired of sure of what I wanted to talk about but, this morning I was doing some random kind of thinking about how lucky I am to have great friends with me and how happy I am to see them doing great things with their lives.

I guess it comes a time in life when you just /have/ to realize who your real friends are and the kind of people you want to have around you. I'm not trying to sound like I'm judging or making stereotypes or whatever. I think you guys would know what I mean.

I think it's sad to see how people sometimes just focus on being popular and be surrouded by a BIG group of people you have absolutely nothing in common with, than just "having fun" but nothing deeper than that. As if being the center of attention was the most important thing.
Ok, I know we all go throught that "I wanna be popular" stage in our lives but c'mon! I'd understand that if you're in high school and still, I would tell you to look for the right kind of people, honest, real and people you can trust and count on. And I'm saying this because I've met people like this, I've been close to people who would do things to be liked by people even if it doesn't make them feel
any good.
Talking about school... I was never the popular type~ YES I wanted to be but, guess it wasn't for me. On my first years of high school I met a lot of new people, I was pretty much one of the few new girls, everyone knew each other and I was pretty shy. I made some friends and one really good friend, we were kinda opposites but we got along really well. She was like the smart girl and I was the...
well... Usagi Tsukino type of girl. Hehe.

But for whatever reason eventually, we just took separate ways.
Then on my 3rd year of high school I started this "I don't know where I belong"stage and even though I had friends, I didn't really felt like I fitted there. And I think that went on for a long time!
I've met a lot of nice people I could hang out with and talk and all that but through my school years, a
lot of people I used to call friends, came into my life and then left. It is hard to understand why people leave like that but, I believe it is for a reason. You learn something from the people you meet. And maybe once whatever needs to happen happens, they just leave. I don't know if I'm making any sense right now.
I also think that, it comes a time in our lives when you gotta be around people who are in the same stage you're at, I mean, you can't be someone who has plans, dreams and aspirations and surround yourself by people who have no aspirations in life, who still think they can live like teenagers and have no responsabilities.
I know that can make me sound like a mother or whatever but, I've been there, and when that moment comes that people needs to go or you'll be dragged by them and won't be able to move forward.

I don't want to make this post any longer than it already is so, I feel like I'm in a moment where I know who my real friends are. It took me a long time and so many goodbyes. But even though I'm not the most popular person out there, I know I have people who truly care about me. It doesn't matter if we don't see each other everyday, if we don't live in the same city or even if we haven't seen each other in years. You just know who those people are, you just know you fit and feel comfortable around them. They know I am here for them as they are for me.
And of course, I have those BFFs that are always with me through good times, laughs and fun moments and also in sad and rough times. We cheer each other up, always give an advice, listen, take care and just love each other as sisters.
I couldn't ask for better friends! ♥

I know more people will come and go in my life and in your lives. Let's just remember to always cherish those people we get to call friends,
Even if it's just one! It's always better to have that one sincere person than a bunch of fakes. Hehe.d...
So, to finish this post, to me TRUE FRIENDS are those who will always be there for you, no matter how good or bad a situation can be, those who will always be honest with you, they will celebrate your achievements and let you know the things you did wrong. People who will always have an advice or wise words when you need it...I could go on but, you get my point, yeah?

And...this is the time where I say goodbye! Hope I didn't made this all confusing because of all that
crazy writing! Hehe.

Heart-to-heart: Inspire & Motivate!

                                           

When I first started this blog like 3 years ago, I pretty much did it for fun, but as time goes by, I realise that I want to reach people with what I write. Even if is just one person. If I can get to someone, I will feel great and think this blog have a better purpose than just sharing some makeup and stuff. Not that there is something wrong with it, I actually love makeup but I know there is so much more I want to share than just that, I'm much more than that.
I am surrounded by many talented people, creative, hard working and just brilliant! I know I'm not the brightest or more creative person ever...in fact, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm good at. But all those people just inspire me to aim for bigger things, to dream and always try to do good things for me and for others.

Not long ago, I was talking to one of my friends who told me some things I didn't knew about. Like how I inspired him to have bigger dreams and work hard for what he wanted. He has achieved so much so far and still have plans, I'm so proud of him and knowing I had somewhat something to do with his motivation made me feel special. I didn't know I could have that "power" (If that's even the word) or that effect on people.
It made me happy to hear that! Because sometimes we think we don't do big things, that we just have a plain, normal life but we don't realise how what we do can affect others in both, good and bad ways. Personally I always try to keep a positive attitude in my life and towards others. I truly believe that makes a HUGE difference in our lives. And I'm glad that I caused something good in at least one person! If I can continue doing that in any way, it's Mission Acomplished!

Life is full of things that can inspire us to do great things~! So even if it takes a while, try to find some inspiration or motivation to do greater things in your life. Trust me, it'll make you a happier and better person. As small as it may look to you, it can mean the world to others.

I know this post is a little random and I don't even know if it makes any sense at all but, I kinda wanted to share this with you guys, hehe.

Heart-to-Heart: My dream life

Hi loves! 
Lately I've been having some of those moments when you can't help to do some thinking and dream of what you wish you had or accomplished in your life by now. Especially being the beginning of a new year, there is a lot of planning and goals to achieve.
I'm not saying that I'm not happy with where I am right now, I'm happy with my job and the chances I've had so far but there is a LOT more I want for my life in a short period of time. I know some things are worth waiting for and I need to work hard to have some others.

I've been doing some thinking~~~hehe

When I was younger, I didn't wanted to marry or have any kids but for a few years now I know for sure I want to have my own happy family. That is something that has been on my mind lately, I want to be a young wife and young mommy, I want to continue working but at the same time I want to take care of a hubby and raise my kids. I know that is something that won't happen in a blink of an eye, but I wish it could! I mean, it is not like I'm sad or something but, that is something I really, really want.

I know it's hard to plan life, when I was younger I thought I would be working and living on my own at the age of 20, when I turned 20, I realized it wasn't all that easy. Now, I do have a job I enjoy and keep learning from it but there is a lot more I want.

Sometimes I wish it was easier to accomplish everything we want, but wouldn't it be boring to have it all easy? I keep dreaming I will have that life, my own family in not a far future. (Hopefully before my 30s! Hehe)
I just keep reminding myself I need to keep dreaming and working to make those dreams become true.

I think this post is a little random but I kinda wanted to share~ hehehe
What would be your dream life at the moment?
xox

Heart-to-heart: L.O.V.E. ♥

Valentine's day is around the corner and I've seen a lot of people lately having FB status about whether they have a special someone to spend V's day or not and whether have a boyfriend/girlfriend or not. I also know some people are not big fans of Valie's day, and I don't think love should be celebrated only one day a year but hey! why not joining a sweet celebration!

Truth is, we /all/ have a reason to celebrate love. Or at least, that's how I see it.
I know most of the people think of love as having a relationship, that other half to spend your life with. And yeah, that is a big part of love but, it is not all about that, it shouldn't be.We spend so much time searching for love when we already have it. Love comes in so many ways~ We have the love from our families, from our friends, even from our pets. That is love too! We don't need a couple to feel love or to give love. Actually, the more you give love to the people around you, the more you'll feel loved in return.
That's why sometimes I can't understand why people feel so down when they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, if they can spend those moments with other people who love them and can make them feel happy and have fun times instead of crying in a dark corner~! Once you stop looking for that kind of love, it'll come to you but, true friends and family are forever.
Hey! I'm not saying that finding your perfect match isn't important, but there's no reason to stop enjoying life for not having one. Love will find you eventually~!! (trust me!)

It is hard to describe love, and I'm sure it can have a different meaning for everyone. But I truly believe we have to start loving ourselves in order to love others. And also, that love is not all about having a couple. It makes sense! Just think about it. ;)

♥ xo

Heart-to-heart: What I would tell my younger self

Growing up we face tons of different situations, both good and bad, happy and sad, fun and... not so fun.
I have to admit I am not the most mature 20 something year old girl. In fact, I am a little child-like at times and I enjoy it! But one thing I know is I've learn from the experiences I've been through and all that has made me who I am today.  
Here are 15 things I would say to my younger self if I could. Hopefully this can work for other young girls out there.

☆ Someday you'll find something you're really good at. (I'm still trying to figure what it is though, hehe)
☆ Having a few true friends is better than having a ton of fake people around you. 
☆ Don't feel like you're less than others because you don't have their talents or abilities.
☆ Learn something from every life experience, take the good and move on.
☆ Cherish what you have and work for you want.
☆ It is ok to dream! (Dream job, dream trip, dream life, dream love story~!)
☆ Love will knock on your door when you less expect it.
☆ Don't be to hard on people, don't judge them.
☆ Enjoy everything you do.
☆ Always be there for the people you love.
☆ Your sister will be your "bestest" friend.
☆ One day, you'll laugh at those horrible grades! (LOL)
☆ Family is forever.
☆ YES, you will want to get married and have kids.
☆ You will feel comfortable with who you are.

If you could tell something to your younger self, what would it be?
x