Hello everyone!
Ok! If you followed my last year's posts and vlogs you must know that last year was just a hard one for me. Just like that.
I think trying to always be the happy and cheerful one, saying everything was ok and trying to live in a dream world no matter what happened for a while, made me collapse at some point. SO MANY things came together and made me feel so small and helpless. I cried more than I thought my body could cry and honestly, it was a very scary feeling.
I truly believe we all learn from life and everything we go through, no matter how small it can be. Good or bad, we gotta keep what can teach us something or make us better people and let go of the rest. I am not good with changes, it takes me a lot of effort and time to get used to them, especially when I don't like them but now I know, holding onto something just because you don't want to let it go, can make things worse.
At the beginning of this year and after long talks with people who are really close to me I thought, "you know what? This is enough! You can't stay like this forever" I just didn't wanted to. I admit I was so affraid to step outside my comfort zone and just push myself to change but like I've said before, I feel so lucky to have GREAT people around me who were there for me 100000% and sometimes even without asking me what was going on they just kept encouraging me to feel better and realize how strong I can be.
And yeah, January was a month to do a lot of thinking. I wanted to think about what I've done, what I've gone through, what I want for my life and how I'm supposed to get it. What should I do to get there and find my own happiness. I have to admit I kinda stayed away from some people, and it was not because I didn't wanted to be with them but it was more because I felt like I needed to think and just heal whatever was going on.
So, before I continue with one of those super long chats; here are 10 things (I only picked 10 but the list is SO long!) I learned during that time. (I don't know why I like using numbers when I make lists now...)
1. It is ok to be sad and feel down. It's part of being human.
2. You can't expect people to do something for you only because you'd do it for them.
3. If people want to walk away from your life, there is nothing you can do to stop it. No matter how hard you try.
4. It is ok to long for the past, as long as you don't get stuck there.
5. Things won't always go the way we plan them but it doesn't mean you can't have them.
6. Letting go is the hardest thing to do but, when you start doing it, it takes away a big weight.
7. We never get to completely know someone. We are all full of surprises, some good and some bad ones.
8. I don't have (and can't have) control of everything that happens. It is frustrating, yes but, there's nothing I can do.
9. We all have our dark moments, no matter how happy and positive we try to be. I know now, I don't want to go back there, ever again.
10. I have to stop worrying about what others will think or say about my actions, words and plans. I can't live fulfilling people's expectations. I will live for me.
And the most important, (that makes 11 things...) I write my own story, I decide how much I let things affect me, who walks in my life and who has to leave, what is best for me and what makes me happy.
I wouldn't ask for that to happen again but I guess in a way that made me see so many things I didn't knew about myself, my life and it got me closer to certain people. I cherish them so, so much and thank them for helping me to stand where I am now.
To finish this chit chat: people change, things do change, not always for the best, sometimes things never will be the same, it's hard to forget yes, but life continues after the drama craziness. I do feel a LOT better now, I'm happy and feeling excited about so many things in life.
Yeah people, Mon. Is. Back!
Haha.
Thank you for reading me! Until next time! X
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